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Blogs by E T Waldron
Why Tough Love 2/16/2005 7:07:48 AM
Some people are so intent on
making others miserable
Some people are so intent on
making others miserable I have
to wonder why. I'm curious and
always love to delve into peoples
character to understand their
reasoning, and what causes their
actions.
One person I met was so totally
selfish I don't think more than
a few minutes a day could be spent
on anything but themsself. When that
happens it ususally can be traced
back to childhood inadequacies.
As of course most problems can;-)
However the self-absorbed type I'm
speaking of, has so many insecurities
the only way to handle it is with total
love of self.
The main reason being that the neglects
and perhaps name tags stuck on them
as a child along with who knows what other
abuse, all showing lack of love, taught them
that they could not expect others to love them
so they had to do so themself. Looked at that
way we can feel sympathy for such a person.
However, this person becomes an adult
as we all do and we learn to adjust and to
correct childhood mistakes and failures unless
we have discovered that we can use them to
get attention and many of the things we want
from others by using these traits. That's when
my sympathy turns to disgust, because it is not
necessary for most people to do this. Only truly
sick minds that need help should get our
sympathy and help when they can't adjust.
The others make a life-long habit of bitching
and moaning, always acting the victim,never wanting
to change things, looking for everyone else to adore
them no matter what. They come to expect attention
can't live without it, will do anything for it. It forces them
along the way to become liars,users,and abusers.
It is a sorry situation, and the only way for them to
finally make a decision to change, is when they
run out of people to use. That is why it is so important
to stop catering to them
In a similar situation with drug abuse, they learned
to call it "tough love". We have all heard of it. Though
the topic I'm writing about has nothing to do with
drugs, I used it as an analogy to show that tough love
is also helpful in the subject I'm describing here.
We can love a person deeply, but giving in to their
weakness isn't necessarily love. True love comes with
doing whatever it takes to help a person come to terms
with the reality of their behavior.
This is what every person who has problems arising
from troubled childhood conditions needs. Not the
easy ,give in to them, attitude that only contributes
to the dilemma, but honest hard actions that will
bring about a solution. No one changes without going
through difficulty. Though for some it's much harder,
it is still the only way to do it if we want to be successful
in helping the person in need.
