One thing that has always amazed me is just how idiotic human beings can be at times, yet it seems that since moving to southern Louisiana (against my will, I might add), I have found myself in an almost constant state of mind-numbing astonishment; and just when I decide I can’t hear or see anything more incredulous, along comes something that proves me wrong. This time it was an article in Tuesday’s edition of my newspaper of choice, The Advocate.

According to the article, which was written by Will Sentell of the Capitol News Bureau, there was a Monday legislative meeting of the Louisiana House of Transportation, Highways, and Public Works Committee; and at this meeting, the committee was debating House Bill 852. The bill is the brain-child of Representative Austin Badon (D-New Orleans) and will prohibit drivers from yakking on hand-held cell phones while cruising along the highways and byways of Louisiana, a state where, to compound the problem, people in the southern sector of the state are noted for taking detours into drive-thru daiquiri shops then proceeding on their merry way—imbibing, gabbing, and cruising those highways and byways (The northern half of the state is a different story entirely, given stores up there don’t sell alcohol on Sundays, after a certain time each evening, or in toyshops, let alone drive-thru daiquiri shops.)   

Anyway, to get back to my point, it seems the bill passed, although it must now go to the full House, where, as Sentell says, it is expected to generate even greater controversy than it did at Monday’s committee meeting (2008, p. A1).

But why the controversy, you ask? Well, apparently some House members are opposed to the bill, for example, Rep. Barbara Norton (D-Shreveport), who argued, “Drivers eat, put on make up, and change their shoes while driving;” and “I don’t see how being on a cell phone is any more dangerous . . .” (Sentell, 2008, p. A1).

When I read this, I thought, “Wait a minute. Does this mean she is defending Louisianans’ right to drive and yak on cell phones? Or does it mean she is defending not only Louisianans’ right to drive and yak on cell phones but also their right to participate in other forms of dangerous behavior while steering thousands of pounds of potentially lethal machinery along their state’s highways and byways?”

Then my question was answered when I read the next paragraph and learned Norton said, “Such habits are part of the culture” (Sentell, 2008, p. A1).

“Ah, ha,” I thought; “Apparently she is defending Louisianans’ right to act like total idiots.”

Of course, I then continued reading and learned that Norton also disputed Bradon’s argument that drivers are taught to drive with both hands on the steering wheel, even though he has seen “people driving with their knees.” Her rebuttal: “Nobody drives like that anyway, just driving and holding the steering wheel” (Sentell, 2008, p. A1).

Nobody drives that way? Well, the last time I looked, I was driving and holding the steering wheel—and holding it with my hands, not my knees. Then again, I learned to drive in Georgia, not Louisiana; and my daddy taught his kids to drive a vehicle—with their hands placed on the steering wheel—one at eight o’clock, the other at two o’clock, or something like that (I’ll check the next time I’m driving); and although he was given to high jinks on occasion, he certainly never demonstrated driving a car with his knees. Moreover, he taught his kids to pay attention to other vehicles, especially those headed in their direction; to stay in their lane; to actually come to a full stop for a stop sign; to slow down not speed up when they saw a traffic light turning red; to maintain the speed limit; and to avoid slamming on the brakes on wet roads. On the other hand, as previously noted, my daddy was a Georgian, not a Louisianan, and although he was known to imbibe on occasion, he never did so while seated behind the steering wheel of a moving vehicle. Not that some other folks in Georgia weren’t inclined to drive and drink, and I’m sure that’s still true today; however, the difference between there and here is that the folks back in Georgia usually opt to cruise dirt roads in their pickup trucks, listen to country music, eat boiled peanuts, sip beers from an ice chest, and then toss the empties out the windows at stray dogs; but I guess that’s because Georgia doesn’t much cotton to drive-thru daiquiri shops.

Sentell, W. “Bill Limits Driving, Phoning.” The Advocate. Baton Rouge, LA. Monday, April 15, 2008. p. A1