I was talking with a colleague the other day, and he believes the ideal candidate for President of the United States would be Jesus Christ. He also insists that Jesus would be the only “honest” politician this country ever elected into office.

Although I agree with my colleague on the latter point about Jesus’ honesty, I contend, however, it is extremely doubtful the Son of God would even be nominated, even if He were miraculously to appear and proclaim His desire to run for President of this country. 

“Why?” you ask. “I’d certainly nominate Jesus.”

So would I, but the reality is that you and I have no say in the nomination process and those people who make that decision would never even consider Jesus Christ as a candidate.

“But why?” you now exclaim with raised eyebrows.

Well, in order to answer this question, allow me to begin by examining the background and character, both positive and negative, of this hypothetical White House contender:

On the positive side:

1. Jesus Christ is charismatic, which goes without saying, given His popularity is unparalleled and over the last 2,000+ years, He’s definitely established a worldwide and extremely diverse constituency.
2. His is an unsullied past, with no closeted skeletons rattling around for the tabloids to divulge or the other party to use to “Swift-boat” Him and, in so doing, destroy his reputation and nullify His bid for President. (Yes, Jesus has been known to partake of the fruit of the vine on occasion, but that is hardly a noteworthy offense.)
3. He has no previous political record to tarnish His good name since He has never before served in the legislature, as mayor of some city, or as governor of any state.
4. He is a miracle worker, which is a definite plus, so Jesus could effortlessly erase the national debt, terminate the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, end the oil crisis, and eradicate poverty and hunger in this country, just as he so easily once fed over 4,000 with seven loaves of bread and a few small fishes, healed the deaf and blind, walked on water, and raised Lazarus from the dead. 
5. Jesus would never allow his decisions to be influenced or “bought” by political action committees. After all, when Satan (probably the forefather of special interest groups) offered Jesus Christ “all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them,” the Son of God simply replied, “Get thee hence, Satan.” 

On the negative side, however:

1. Of course, Jesus is only 33-years-old, and a presidential candidate must be at least 35.
2. He is also a Nazarene and not a citizen by birth of the United States, which is another requirement.
3. Jesus is homeless, having “nowhere to lay his head,” and, thus, having no permanent address with which to establish the residency requirement.
4. His staff consists of fishermen, a former tax collector, and this weird dude named John, who dresses in “raiment of camel hair,” with “a leathern girdle about his loins,” and dines upon “locusts and wild honey.” What kind of image does that project?
5. Jesus is a pacifist, and His platform is based on “turning the other cheek,” a trait that makes His suitability for Commander in Chief in times of war rather doubtful. Moreover, His aversion to violence—“Thou shalt not kill”—would probably not go over too well with the National Rifle Association, an organization that supports all men’s right to bear arms.
6. Jesus doesn’t dress the part. No $400 haircuts, Armani suits, and red power ties for Him. He has long hair and a beard, wears a robe and sandals, and looks like a 60’s flower child.
7. See number 4 in the positives column above: Since Jesus could—and most likely would—end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the oil companies would stop making astronomical profits and literally demand His head on a platter.
8. See number 5 in the positives column above: Since Jesus would not allow himself to be influenced or “bought” by special interest groups, every decision He made would be shot down before making it through the Senate. 

On the other hand, the above points, both pro and con, are really quite irrelevant, for it is extremely unlikely that Jesus Christ would be elected even if nominated.

“Ah, come on,” you say;” I’d vote for Jesus.”

Maybe you would, but I think it is extremely doubtful that the majority of American voters, most of whom are quite conservative at heart, even if they tell themselves otherwise, would cast their ballots for a left-wing radical revolutionary like the Son of God.

“What?” you scream. “Jesus is no such thing. How dare you!”

Indeed, Jesus Christ is exactly that. After all, doesn’t He sit down and dine with sinners? Doesn’t He often interfere with the legal process? For example, Jesus prevented a woman taken in adultery from being stoned to death, didn’t He, even though that was the law of the land? Doesn’t He condemn greed and materialism? What about lasciviousness and lust? With Jesus in control of this country, don’t you think Hummers, Gucci bags, Rolex watches, wide-screen plasma TVs, x-rated movies, and girlie magazines would all become things of the past? And what about our capitalist way of life? Didn’t Jesus go on a rampage, overthrowing tables and tossing about chairs, as He purged the temple of the moneychangers? Didn’t He say that it’s easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God?

And if that isn’t enough, Jesus’ social views most closely correspond to those of the Essenes, who espouse communitarian brotherhood and are, in fact, socialists and anarchists. And since this is the case, Jesus, as President, would probably have the Socialist motto hanging over his desk in the Oval Office: “To each according to his need; from each according to his ability;” and I seriously doubt the millions of Americans who believe the rich are rich because they have earned that right and the poor are poor because they’re too lazy to be otherwise and prefer living on welfare will sit quietly by while their wealth is shared with the downtrodden and destitute in this country. It simply isn’t the American way of life. And that is why Jesus Christ, even if nominated, would never be elected President of the United States. It is also why we keep getting people in the Oval Office who continually fail to make this country a better place to live for all citizens—whether rich, poor, black, white, red, yellow, young, old, male, female—and, instead, invariably seem to make it worse. And if you don’t think it’s getting worse, then you, my friend, have not been paying attention.