There’s something I’ve wanted to write about since Monday; but I simply have not had the time until now. Of course, now is after 2:00 on a Sunday morning, which is really rather sad; but I’m going to write about the issue anyway, since it has been churning around in my brain and gathering steam for almost week and I fear if I don’t express my opinion, my brain might very well pop from the pressure.

What I’ve wanted to address is something you probably heard about on the news, and that is the train derailment that occurred in Lafayette, Louisiana on Saturday, May 17, 2008.

“Why do you want to write about that?” you ask. “Isn’t it old news?”

Well, perhaps, but I’m still going to write about it.

According to an article by Richard Burgess of The Advocate, my newspaper of choice, during this derailment, an overturned railcar “leaked about 10,000 gallons of hydrochloric acid” (2008, p.1B). And, of course, the spill necessitated the evacuation of people living in the immediate vicinity since inhaling hydrochloric acid can cause respiratory problems. Yet, due to a timely response by the Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway, cleanup crews immediately neutralized the acid with lime, and residents were allowed to return to their homes on Sunday, May 18. Moreover, on Monday, May 19, Burlington workers “used heavy equipment to scrape away the top few inches of contaminated soil from the ground and beneath the railroad tracks” (Burgess, 2008, p.1B). Plus, the Department of Environmental Quality (DEQ) is monitoring the situation and, as of Tuesday, May 20, were “continuing to test air quality around the site” (Burgess, 2008, p.1B).

“And your point?” you ask.

Be patient. I’m getting there. 

It seems that Burlington has established a claims center at the Cajundome and is willing to reimburse residents for expenses related to the spill, for example, lodging, travel, and food; and according to Burgess, “As of Monday afternoon, about 300 claims had been processed” (2008, p. 2B). However, that is a small percentage of the over 3,000 residents who were momentarily inconvenienced.

“And why are so few people taking advantage of Burlington’s largesse?” you ask.

Apparently, thanks to some fast-acting lawyers (Do you know any lawyers who aren’t nicknamed Speedy Gonzales?), many of the residents now recognize that not a railcar but a potential goldmine landed in their backyards. After all, as Burgess relates, “A similar derailment in New Iberia [south of Lafayette] in May 2000 resulted in a settlement of about $5 million” (2008, p.2B). And so, as of this past Monday, residents were already lining up to put their John Hancock on a class-action lawsuit.

“What’s wrong with that?” you ask.

I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that. For one, accidents happen. In fact, they happen all the time. And, as the word “accident” implies, these events are not planned or orchestrated or contrived. They are mishaps, blunders, or bloopers. They just occur, and being accidents, neither are they the result of some grand scheme by the universe, designed to enable somebody, somewhere, to file a lawsuit and become an overnight millionaire. Not that any of the residents in this case will become overnight millionaires if this lawsuit produces the same results as the one in New Iberia. In that lawsuit, yes, the settlement was the astronomical sum of $5 million, but of that $5 million, the 3,000 plaintiffs received “an average of $767 each after the attorneys’ fees and legal expenses” (Burgess, 2008, p.2B).

Okay, you do the math. No, wait, don’t bother, because I just did the math on my handy pocket calculator; and if each resident received $767, it totals $2,301,000, which means the lawyers received $2,699,000 and laughed uproariously all the way to the bank. 

“Okay,” you say, “so what’s your point?”

My point is that human beings are inherently greedy, and in the end, their greed makes lawyers not only very, very rich but also very, very happy.

And that’s all I have to say on the matter.

Reference: Burgess, R. (2008) Class action lawsuits filed in rail accident. Baton Rouge, LA. The Advocate. Section B. pp-1-2.