William F DeVault, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
Blogs by William F DeVault
a Dreyfuss moment 12/11/2004 4:06:41 PM
a meander of recovery and feeling good about myself... One of my favourite movies has always been "The Goodbye Girl"...many reasons, but mostly I identify with Richard Dreyfuss' portrayal of Elliot Garfield, the abrasive, hyperkinetic actor (got him his Oscar, so don't think I am fishing for overlooked role models).
The other day I had a "Dreyfuss moment". No, I didn't climb on the card table while playing Stanley Kowalski in "A Streetcar named Desire" at the Drury Lane Theatre in the dead of winter, or kiss Marsha Mason in full face-cream (although I always had a thing for her...). No, it was more subtle.
There's a scene early on where Dreyfuss has just had a conversation with Marsha's character, and neither one has yet really thought about the other as a potential suitor. As she leaves he looks away, and once she is out of earshot, he smiles and says "Definitely cute." It's the moment when we suddenly snap back to acknowledging him as the romantic lead instead of a character. And we know where at least his telling of the story is likely to be heading.
Well, I intellectually and in all other ways I can imagine consider myself fully divorced (even though it was only finaly about ten days ago). Long story, full of bizarre twists probably more out of Stephen King than Danielle Steele, but I digress. I haven't really felt divorced, in part because my ex still leans on me so much for emotional support...yeah, I know, dysfunctional city...I know the pitfalls.
Anyway, the other evening I was introduced to a woman...I won't go into any details of the meeting or introduction herre, as I know the introducer reads, on occasion, my postings...
As they, and the newly introduced woman went in separate directions to do their own things, I faced the wall, got a silly smirk and said softly, but aloud, "Definitely cute."
And it struck me then that I am going to be okay. I will flirt, I will feel, I will in all probablity get my heart and mind and guts stomped on (maybe even by this woman...)...and it will all make for some great poetry...but I will be fine. And that's a nice thing to know. Not just think. But know.
It may be hours, or days or weeks or months before I get all wheels back on the track...but they will get there, and I will move down the road, and you'll get to read my most visceral thoughts through my poetry.
I got a compliment just the other day, I gave two of my most excellent friends an early Christmas present of "Love Gods of a Forgotten Religion" (still not too late to order my books, as presents, from Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com online for Christmas, you know), and as we sat at drinks, the feminine half of the equation leafed through it and, when I pointed it out, read to herself "the patchwork skirt of my love".
when people read my works I tend to watch their eyes and their expressions...she must've been in the second stanza when I saw a little facial freeze (it's a subtle, unconcious reaction) and I heard her say "oh, my" in that nice way that is usually a sign that you have warmed a cockle or two...
it made me feel good. oh, and for the first time in over a year, I had my 'tail back. and my boots on. and I felt...like me...not the lesser star of a binary pair. not the spear carrier to the upstage diva. not the leftovers at the edge of the buffet table.
me.
and it felt damn good. I even walked in the rain, alone. breathed the sky. and acknowledged that on all levels, next year holds incredible promise.
