William F DeVault, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
Blogs by William F DeVault
all truths are atomic 1/4/2005 6:44:04 AM
a few thoughts on lying A long time ago, in conversation with an editor about a mutual acquaintance who was driving us both crazy with her unending "fictions", I hit upon a thought. All truths are atomic.
Atomic in the philosophical sense, that is to say, small, indivisible units. No pieces, no moving parts.
Now I am daily confronted by so many people who seem to feel that sport-lying is a game worthy of inclusion in the Olympics. Lies to me, even about me. Aggravating. Especially since, in applying the atomic definition, my ability to sense throught he BS (well, that and my still spooky-sharp hearing, which enables me to hear sotto voce and conversations across the room...sorry guys, there isn't a person I know whom I don't know uncomfortaby more about what they say about me than they think I do...) I pretty much know what is true.
What is truly appalling is people whom I have known for years, whom I know well, and for whom I have done little but good, find it necessary to lie to me to keep their illusion of what they think I should think of them.
Grow up, people. Sooner or later, it all unravels.
The easiest way, in most cases, to spot a lie, is the atomic test. People who are lying tend to give you much more information than required.
"Where's the car?" ""Well, Joe had asked to borrow it the other day and when it came back there was this grungy smell so I toook it down to the car wash and while I was there I ran into Biff who owed me some money from last summer..."
Someone is probably yanking your chain. They want the fiction to be accepted, so they try to paint an elaborate picture before you can find any holes in their story.
People who suddenyl go all secretive on you, that's usually a black flag (not a red one, I like the color red...but black is a terminus, when someone starts lying to you, that means they have found a purpose higher than you, your friendship with them, your security or truth itself. Time to stop taking their calls.) I wrote a piece years ago about how experience and communication lead to knowledge, knowledge is poer, power is the ultimate currency of survival...ergo, anyone who denies me accurate information is challenging, even threatening, my survival.
I worked as a recruiter years ago, and I always told my clients that my most important commodity was my integrity and that if they ever caught me in a lie, to stop dealing with me. Well, I worked for this woman who was, quite honestly, one of the most spiteful, despicable and stupid people I will ever know in this life. She made me (literally stood next to me) and had me call this favourite client and tell him an obvious lie she had concocted in order to freeze out a competitor. I spoke to him later and he said "You know, it was obvious you didn't want to do that, but a deal is a deal..." I haven't spoke to him since, and he had been a good client to us. There was no need for the lie, he was fiercely loyal to the work we had done to him so far.
Some people lie to the point that it is their first line of defense, their primary coping mechanism. Nightmarish, but true. I've been in relationships with a few of those. I have my blinders on, for a time, praising them publicly, while harbouring, inside, deep and disturbing doubts. Eventually, the lies unravel. And then, I still try to trust, try to give a second chance...and then more lies, and more, until the fabric of my world becomes more fiction than reality (think of the Steve Martin/Goldie Hawn film "Housesitter" without any humour to it)...such people drain you emotionally, trash your reputation, destroy your finances, make it hard to keep a job and make you an object of derision and pity amongst your associates.
All I am saying is, don't be afraid to speak the truth, or to see it.
