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Blogs by William F DeVault
One does not applaud the tenor for clearing his throat 4/13/2005 2:35:09 AM
It's always been one of my favourtie lines...from "Dangerous Liaisons"...when Valmont performs an all-too easy seduction and Merteuil snaps at his desire for praise with "One does not applaud the tenor for clearing his throat."
When I write and it is good, but not magic, that line comes to me. I have done something that others might consider praiseworthy, but it isn't what I am capable of (I think "Diogenes" was where I was bent to this, I realized a lot in writing that monster.)
Only days remain until the final form of INVOCATO, the clay has been worked and my mind wanders. I went online last night to look up old friends, went to one of those search services (didn't pay the fee, just wanted to see what they would tell me could be found...) I had a list...five people from my past (pre-Leopard) I would like to make sure are alive and well. If the preliminary results are accurate...they do all live. Now, would they want to hear from me?
There's the goldenheart, the wisp, the black rose, perhaps having been foolish enough to let sich friendships wither, I am not to consider renewing them. Perhaps some mysteries are best left to the shadows? I have always been over-curious (I was lured inot more than one relationship, not by seduction, but by mystery...I think some promote their mystery to create that interest...but where it has been intentional and where it has been earnest, I can not readily discern.)
Despite my talents and my intellect, I have tended to give and give up too much in my relationships, allowing my natural romanticism to be abused as a cornucopia, a well that is drained with no regard for my joy or welfare. Perhaps that is the nature of relationships, perhaps I have just chosen unwisely on some occasions...
Perhaps I will, in this life, never know for sure...so much is obscured by the masks people wear and compel us to wear for their benefits. At least I have purged myself of my willingness to ghostwrite for others. Wow, has that been abused. Like my brother, Robert, has said...would you want to have a surgeon working on you who had someone else take all their med school exams for them?
Put that way, I have to feel some shame for my actions, however well-intentioned or motivated. God judges hearts, mortals judge actions and (on rare occasion) results. I judge myself on all criteria, for I have the knowledge of my motives as well as the humanity to view my actions and results in less than omniscient terms.
