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Blogs by Stephanie S. Sawyer
A Split Focus 9/4/2007 7:42:46 PM
A reflection on the focus of death at the time of celebration for other outside events. Late this evening I received a call from my dad stating that my dear beloved grandfather of 96 years had slipped into a state of willfullness to die following a stroke a few weeks ago. It seems he has stopped eating and now has slipped into a state of unconsciousness. So the family is getting notified, one by one, of the impending death at hand.
In the meantime, my wedding is a mere two and a half weeks away. And yet, I sense a deep sense of the cycle of life. I am losing someone who has been very dear to me for my entire life. I can remember very poignant times with him, both in my youngest days, and in my more recent days in the most recent year. Thank God, we are in the same city despite my move to the outer suburb. I treasure those memories, some more than others. I was surprised a time or two, and I can say proudly that my grandfather is the best story teller of anyone I have ever met.
And yet, although a deep sense of loss is dawning over me, I believe I am to go on and not dwell on it. I have a wedding to plan still. At least, most of it is planned, but some arrangements are still pending. I sense a need to focus on life and the emergence of the new relationship I have with my husband to be who was faithfully within the phone call's reach when I received word about my grandfather tonight.
In knowing the life of the relationship from my grandfather, I will pass that on to others around me. I can't say that I am a story teller. Although I can specifically remember Bus*, my grandfather, asking me with astonishment after reading my first book Facing Me, "Stevie, who taught you to write like that?"
I was so pleased. Bus owned a bookstore when I was growing up. It seems I measured up.
*Bus was short for Buster, a nickname for a baby who was 14# at birth.
