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Blogs by Stephanie S. Sawyer
God bless Aunt Blanche! 2/10/2008 7:18:06 PM
I've been gathering memories about me in these past few days.... 'girly' things. Today was a day of courage. I went to see my aunt's body lying in state. After the traumatic events of watching her die before my eyes, I had hoped it might alleviate some of the tormenting scenes I had lived through with her last week. And yet, I found differently.
For certain, the body before me appeared more pleasant than that which I assisted in the hospice. The cheeks and face were more filled out. The dressing was alright, I suppose. I guess my mom picked it out. It was not one I recognized. The position was - well, what can one say about lying in state. It was supposed to be superior to my last viewing of her in fetal state in that hospice.
And yet, I immediately knew that I rather wanted to keep the Aunt Blanche of the living state there in that hospice in my mind. It was there where I heard her call out meekly, "No... no.... no.... no...." upon her arrival.
At least it was her voice.
I was experiencing her presence.
THAT was superior to the way I saw her today.
I want to remember being with her and comforting her as I read the psalms to her. For I am convinced I was a vessel to her of Christ's receiving love. It is that real Aunt Blanche I want to remember..... but far more.....
I can't get certain poses from my youth out of my mind: poses from when I was a young girl arriving at my maternal grandmother's house, and there Aunt Blanche was, posed in 'that' chair. She was always in the high backed green wing chair, silently receiving the relatives with warmth in her face and a rather high pitched voice. That's the memory I want to retain.
I've been gathering memories about me in these past few days.... 'girly' things. I've realized how much of my heritage in feminity is Aunt Blanche's doing. Manners, jewelry, pretty things, girly things. And so, on her behalf, I did my nails tonight readying myself for her funeral tomorrow. May the public know, I NEVER do my nails! I am a pianist! But tonight, for Aunt Blanche's sake, and for that manicure set that she gave me when I was a preteen, and that it still stashed away in my night stand, I did my nails.
