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Blogs by Stephanie S. Sawyer
Death and a Closed Door 11/22/2008 11:56:21 AM
Staring at death again in a loved one, and looking for a safe spiritual home for replenishment... Is there one? Having just reread my own poem "Come, Death, Come", I can only hope that the cherished aunt whose death is predicted as only 5-7 weeks away will be a different experience than that which I penned from the poem I just read. That experience was from a different aunt, my great-aunt and Godmother. This time, I will be going to hospice once again, and for once, I'm glad this aunt, a different one, and so very precious to me, rather young, does not interact on the net. I would not want her to read the experience I wrote about for my dear Godmother. She would then expect the same, and her anxiety would only increase in spite of its already heightened level.
This is a time when I, myself, could stand a helping hand, and it's the same week when I was chewed out by a priest (See 'The Church's Greatest Trouble') for not agreeing to his method. Rather, he began to attack me! Well, I stood up to him. At least, I've got the strength to do that, something I did not always have. My hide is getting a little tougher, thank God!
Nothing makes me angrier than to see some superior head of an institution in the name of Christ start cutting down members or prospective members for the sake of not bowing down to their rule instantly. I can simply no longer just throw in my mind for judging for myself, and allow the priest or pastor to make all final decisions with no mind of my own. Too many times I have been blindsided by priests who have stated full control only to be taking advantage of their congregations behind the curtains. Total violation of trust.
So where does that leave me? Crying out to God Almighty.... and offering a hand to my aunt in her last days by God's grace. I've still got God's grace, and a good portion of it. I wish that priest earlier this week could have at least seen that rather than tearing me to pieces. I have people leaning on me, and should be able to fall back on a spiritual source for nourishment when I, too, am drained. Well, not in THAT church..... I wonder if there is a safe one somewhere.....?
