When diving on roads through forests, one must always be on the watch for critters of any size. Dear jump out of ditches. I always jam on the breaks for deer because they can easily total one’s vehicle. And one never knows upon seeing a doe whether there are one or two fawns and whether they are ahead or behind Mama. But then they are usually on the move only during the early morning or at dusk, making them a bit easier to avoid.

Tom turkeys stand in the middle of the road all fanned out and, like a traffic cops, and remain motionless, staring you down, until their harem of hens and all chicks have dawdled their way across—up to five minutes; I timed it once. Then there are raccoons, skunks, porcupines, possums … but the most daring are the “teen-aged” squirrels and chipmunks, and occasionally rabbits, who sit in a ditch with their buddies double-dog daring each other to wait until the last moment to run across the road in front of an oncoming vehicle.

One can almost hear their conversations. “Wait … wait … not yet … NOW, GO!” Skitter, skitter, skitter. “Aaaaaah, he made it!”

            Or: mouth-opened silence when the friend waited half a second too long, and the vehicle didn’t see him. SQUASH!

            The squirrels seem to have become experts at not getting hit. Once, one of them froze in the middle of the lane. This allowed the wheels of my vehicle to pass on either side of the daredevil squirrel, who finished his triumphant run after I went over. I saw him in my rearview mirror.

“HOLY #*&.!!!!! WHAT A TRIP!!!!! You gotta try that!”

A nearby rabbit must have been watching because a few days later, I saw squashed rabbit in the center of the lane—not my vehicle that got him. I guess rabbits are a bit too high off the ground to pull off the between-the-wheels stunt. Or else it was a small car with a low axel. Anyway, the rabbits dropped out of the game for a while in fear or grief—not sure which.

Like human teens, some make it to adulthood, and some don’t. I’m always sorry when I can’t stop my vehicle in time. Life’s lessons sometimes end in tragedy. Or else the critters also have “Darwin Awards” because they have idiots too.

Slow down in wooded areas, my friends.