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Grandma's View of Divorce #2 5/13/2014 12:52:19 PM
Day Two - Reality Sets In
I wake up and realize that everything that happened had not been a bad dream. It had happened and I felt like my heart was being ripped out.
Heather was already gone. She was waiting at the court house and when it opened she immediately filed her case. Divorce and immediate custody of Brianna. They had worked on the papers at DOVE the night before.
I have to cope; I have the grandkids to think about. They needed breakfast and lots of love and assurance. It was hard on Hunter and hard to know how to explain to a 10 year old autistic child what was happening in his world. Katlin was very silent. She was internalizing her feelings. I felt so bad because I knew they both were missing Breezy but Katlin was mourning the loss of her brother Luke Jr too. They were close. She still hadn’t cried.
The day wore on with Heather in and out trying to talk to professionals and take care of immediate things. She didn’t have a checkbook, and when she used her debit card, Luke had left a few hundred dollars in the account and had withdrawn the rest.
I learned she was not allowed access to the account, didn’t know when her disability check was deposited and knew nothing about the bills. All that had been taken away from her. It was all about control and manipulation. I learned the house was in her name but his Dad was a co-signer. Yet she was not allowed keys to her own house? Seriously, I had talked many times that I wish she would lock up her house when they were gone. Now I find out, she couldn’t.
Part of that was my fault, I made a stand when three of our kids were having problems in their home and asked not to be their mother/counselor because I couldn’t handle it. I know that all the families have had struggles but I chose to not know about them. Do I need to rethink my policy? I’m not sure. That is something I have to think about. It is so hard to stay objective when it comes to your kids.
I had periodic bouts of crying and we couldn’t really talk about it because we didn’t want to talk about it in front of the other kids. I admit it, when I am down, my escape is to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. I mean that literally! I really did need a nap and some alone time to process stuff. When the house was empty I called Grandma Wanda and sobbed and cried. I really let myself go while I was on the phone! A good friend had texted me earlier in the day and I had unloaded on her too. Thank God I have a wonderful mother in law and terrific friends. I was hurting, sad and scared but found so much encouragement and love from my friends and family. I know I am blessed!
I slept, but I dreamed also. When I woke up, I was dreaming that Breezy was shaking my shoulder saying “It’s time to wake up Grandma! I’m back!” I thought her hand was actually on my shoulder shaking me awake. When I realized it was a dream, I lost it again.
I have always said that if I had known grandkids were so much fun I would have had them first and I really meant that. I have 20 wonderful grandchildren and even a great grandson. Each of them are so special to me in so many ways. I feel close to Heather and her kids because they have grown up and lived close to me the whole time. They even lived with me for a time. Breanna is my youngest granddaughter. I sing to her, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.” I truly mean that. The love of my grandchildren have actually been my therapy during the dark times. They are what I lived for and yes I have my wonderful husband that stands beside me during good times and bad, but my grandkids are very, very important to me.
Heather spent the second day doing the legal things you have to do when something like this happens. She’s not my birth daughter but she is so much like me! She started making lists of things she had to take care of. She was busy making phone calls, checking on bills and following up with all the legal advice she was given.
Katlin and Hunter were with me and Grandpa but I missed Kenzie. She was still with Uncle Craig and Aunt Amy but I really felt she needed to be here and be part of our loving circle. I was happy when Heather went and brought her back here.
We have a picky eater in Hunter. Deciding on what to have that first day was tough, but finally, I just took ham out of the freezer, made some hashed brown potatoes and all was well. Sweet little Hunter came to me and said “Grandma I am so sorry for being picky. I will try very hard to not be while we are staying with you.” I hugged him close and reassured him that I loved him. The tears were flowing again. It didn’t take much at that point for the waterworks to turn on! I was constantly pulling one or another of the grandkids to me to hug them and tell them I loved them.
Katlin finally allowed herself to cry. She curled up in my lap, yes she is 12 years old, and let the tears flow.
The support of our kids, family and friends has been awesome! I didn’t write about it on Facebook, I didn’t want anything stirred up or used against me. I just asked for prayer for a family issue. I received so much love and private messages to let me know my friends and family were praying for us. It warmed my heart to feel the love, but the tears would fall again each time I received a message.
