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Blogs by Sherri Smith
Abuse 5/30/2014 5:27:14 PM
Raw, emotional and factual. Abuse
What is considered sexual abuse? The girls told about their experiences with him in the shower but they found the case unfounded? Because they didn’t believe he was getting sexual satisfaction. Ok, so do they actually have to be raped to get someone’s attention? I’m so frustrated with the system. So now, I guess you are just a pervert if you shower with your pubescent step daughters! This part makes me so mad I could spit nails.
The oldest admitted that she was made to let him wash her private parts because she didn’t get herself clean. The other one is holding everything inside. It hurts to see her act out in ways she never has done before because of not being able to express her emotions. Inside, I know she is angry, hurt, confused and maybe a little ashamed. I want to cry and hold them and tell them over and over “it’s not your fault!” I want to shout it and take all the pain and hurt from them. But, I can’t. There’s only so much a grandma can do. I tell them repeatedly that I love them and if an adult does something to you, it is not your fault. I constantly reaffirm how precious they are and that they can always talk to me whenever they need to. I don’t want them dealing with this time of their lives when they are in their 40’s like I did.
Heather is doing everything possible. They are all getting counseling and are talking to their counselor about things they have a hard time talking to family about. Thank God for the help of these professional people.
I know things will get better for them, I just pray that it isn’t something that they can deal with and then let go. I’m sure I can’t actually say what I would like to do to someone who abuses a child. Let your imagination run wild and it still wouldn’t be enough! I know I’m glad it didn’t go any farther, but still isn’t that enough? Heather was so afraid that he would take Breezy and go with her that she didn’t actually stop it. Besides he was telling her that all of this is normal. A bonding part of the family. If she had told him to stop, he would have just made them shower with him while mom was gone.
Hunter, I don’t even know where to begin with all he had to go through. Being autistic is bad enough, but to have verbal and physical abuse piled on makes everything worse. He has had melt downs and I have actually seen the look in Luke’s eyes that he would like to do something really drastic to him. I’m afraid, then I find out that Luke was punishing him by making him take his shoes off and then hitting the bottoms of his feet with a wooden spoon. Leaves no bruises that way! What I saw and kept myself quiet about eats me up insides sometimes. I stood by and watched Hunter be antagonized by both his step-father and step-brother. It seemed to be their goal was to make him get mad and have a meltdown. Let me tell you one thing; autistic children do not understand the concept of sarcasm! There is no gray area in their lives, only black and white. You have to be careful how you say things to my little buddy.
On the other hand, you certainly have to not take him literally when he says something either. His frustration level grows and the guard on his tongue falls off. He gets on a subject and then he obsesses over it until the next thing comes along. He is a special needs child. Yes, his frustration overwhelms him sometimes. But, in the last few months I have seen him calm down so much! He doesn’t have the constant badgering and he is learning to control his reactions to situations he normally would have had a meltdown over. He was at our house one time and I was fixing something for dinner that he would normally not eat. When he finally saw what I was fixing, he very calmly said to me. “Grandma, I don’t normally like to eat this. But I will eat some and not have a fit about it!” And he did just that. I was so proud of him that night! He showed me how much growth he has done in his emotional life. He will continue to get even better when he feels he’s secure enough in his home. He is one of the most loving kids and he’s always hugging on me and telling me that he loves me. That’s unusual in a special needs child but I’m happy to see the difference.
Emotional abuse, sexual abuse and verbal abuse were heaped on my daughter. I know that it pushed her to the brim several times. I don’t know how she withstood the constant belittling and controlling actions she had to put up with. I wish I had been able to help her more. I will live with that regret for a long time. My prayer for her is that she will meet someone that is totally opposite from Luke and Rodger. A non-drinker and someone who truly loves her for who she is. I want her to know she is worthy to be loved and she doesn’t have to put up with nonsense she shouldn’t have to. My nightly prayer, “God, please bring a good man into her life.” I love her and want her to be happy. It kills me to see her hurting so bad. I am very proud of her, she has come a long way and is doing well in spite of all the circumstances. I have never seen the strength that I see in her now. She struggles, but so do we all. She is living apart from him, but he is still controlling her by his actions with the OP and the custody issue. Hang in there baby, your dad and I have your back!
