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Blogs by Pamela C Labud
Why did I want to do this again? 2/28/2006 6:36:34 AM
Monday's blues turn into Tuesday's musings.
Hello, Gentle Readers!
Like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, "I'm baaaack!"
It's been an odd few days where I went work this weekend and came home with a bad head cold, got really depressed about this whole writing thing, and was lifted back up again by really nice review.
The truth was, yesterday I was ready to quit. I wanted to toss my computer into the bathtub and let the faucet flow. I know that as a writer not every day is going to be peachy keen, but still, yesterday was definitely the bottom of the barrel.
Why? One of the things you think when you are an unpublished writer is that all is going to be wonderful and well once you make your first big sale. This is oh so not true. If nothing else, those few moments of elation are soon replaced with abject fear. I was soooo thrilled because and editor liked my manuscript. Who wouldn't be?
Well, as my daughter reminded me at the time "Mom that only means three people like your book. You, your mom, and this editor." What a rush to reality that was.
Of course, you want to do well, you want everyone to love your work and throw praises on you. That happens for some authors, sure enough, but for those of us who live and write in the regular world, it just ain't so.
Then of course, there comes performance anxiety. You ask yourself, what if the first book was a fluke? What if I can't do it again? Yep. Second book syndrome, and it's a killer.
Still, writing is what you do, and you push yourself out of that valley because you made a commitment to do a second book and come hell, high water, or even bad reviews, you do what you promised. For me, writing that second book was the hardest thing I've ever done as a writer. Zero self confidence, zero self esteem.
Then, for a few hours yesterday the desire to write left me. Completely. Totally. Gone. I cleaned house, I checked my email, but the drive that had gotten me through eight manuscripts, three e-pubbed novels, and two mass markets, finally evaporated like rain on a sidewalk in August. Pssst. Nada Gone.
I didn't think I'd ever get another sale, my April book would suck, and my writing life was virtually over.
Then, I got in my convertable to pick up the kids from school, dropped the top, and let the fresh air and sunshine flow over me. (although it was a little chilly, mind you because it's February, but a nice enough day just the same)
While I was driving yet another story idea came to me, as well as things I can do with my current work in progress. Yep. The muse is like that. She sometimes strikes when you least expect it.
Of course, that would have been enough to drive me back to the computer. I was more than greatful for the little spark of inspiration.
But, when I got home, there was an email digest from one of my loops. IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND just got a 4 star review from Romantic Times Bookclub Magazine. I was so thrilled and elated by this news. It went along way to reinforce that I really can be a writer after all.
More than that, that little bit of good news will go a long way toward pushing my fingers across the keyboard until the next disatisfied snarky Amazon customer hits me with derogatory review. That's my writer's life. Up and down like a rollercoaster. You gotta love this business, hey?
Why did I want do to this again?
Happy reading and I'll catch you next time! Take care, Pam.
