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Blogs by Sue Hess
I'm sitting alone at home..... 7/27/2005 7:45:09 PM
the apartment is dark and my tea is getting cold...
I've been home for an hour or so but I haven't turned on the lights or slipped into something more comfortable, the mood I'm in is all the comfort I need. I feel alone but not lonely, peaceful in the near dark of my home. I have the keyboard in my lap and I'm very relaxed in this big old chair in front of my pc. This is the place I feel the best, the time of day I relish the most. The problems of the day have faded into twilight, my thoughts are softer, hazy drifts of nostalgia and memory, shaken not stirred. I couldn't survive the chaos that is life today without this, the peace that I find at home. It hasn't always been this way. I shared my home for years with my sister, whom I love dearly, but she is a bitter, never happy woman and without my realizing exactly when it happened, my home had become an unwelcome place to be. I didn't know what was missing but I knew I wasn't happy and when she moved out and I made the place mine again, I knew why I had not been happy before. Maybe not everyone feels this way, but it seems that I am the kind of person who needs a hideaway, a cubbyhole that is all mine and where I can close out the stress of the day and become comfortable with myself and my life before starting a new day all over again. Maybe some people find that peace in a person who shares their life, but I'm not one of those people. I enjoy the freedom of a solitary life, the quiet of being alone, the gradual drift of evening into night. I have times when I bemoan my empty bed, but over the years, that bed has been a source of great enjoyment, its about time it gave me some rest. Sex is wonderful and no one has enjoyed it more than I but I've found something that, although it could never take the place of sex, at least compensates for the lack of it. Peace is the only word I can think of to describe how I feel now as I get older. Peaceful and content. Maybe that will not always be enough, I may not be as old as I feel sometimes and I may find myself looking again for companionship but who knows. Maybe I'll just get a cat.
