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Blogs by Sue Hess
Crack 1/25/2005 3:32:45 PM
I have been reading these things for some time now trying to figure out exactly what they are and what purpose they serve. So far, it seems to be a place to air your thoughts, or whatever and so that is what i'm going to try to do.
I have a daughter, she was once a beauty...you might remember her as we first started writing together under her photo. Anyway, she was normal in every way, had a good job, a car, an apartment...her marriage had split up but she seemed to be dealing with it. About two years ago, she suddenly started using crack. Drugs were not completely unknown to her, she has always smoked weed and she once used meth but had seemed to be over all that and doing very well, not drinking much...just a normal woman in her thirties. Within two months of smoking her first pipe, she had lost her job, her car, her apartment. I hid from the truth that first year and almost went broke helping her out of one thing or another until I finally had to accept that she was addicted. At that point, I cut off all large amounts of money such as rent or handing her large sums, but continued to buy her groceries and help in any other way I could, sure she would get herself together again. She has made numerous attempts.
This year, she has no home, she is turning tricks and most times I have no idea where to find her. Her looks are gone. She can't even get a job across the river at the strip clubs, she is too obviously a crackhead, emaciated and looking twice her age. This is a woman who was often described as beautiful, from the time she was a young girl and I often wonder if so many people making a big deal of her looks somehow kept her from developing a strong character in other ways. How else can I explain what is happening to her. Where is her pride, her survival instinct which surely must want more than she has now?!?
Why am I writing this? I am hoping someone out there has some advice for me. I am no stranger to the drug life, having lived the sixties to the fullest but I have been clean and sober for so many years, crack is something I just can't understand. It appears to take the user down so quickly, and hold them so tightly that they can't get away. Do people kick crack the way I did speed and lsd in the sixties, do you just stop using it and stay away from people who do? And if that is the answer, how do you do that? She has no insurance for rehab facilities and they are not cheap these days, even if I could convince her to go to one. I worry every night that I will get a phone call in the middle of the night, saying something bad has happened to her and I thank God every morning that it did not come. I can't pull myself out of the funk I have been in for some time because I worry so much about her. I don't know if she has a place to sleep at night, if she is eating...although I must admit that in the past she has always called me when she needed something...even if it were just a hamburger and a coke...she isn't shy about asking. So I tell myself that the silence itself means she is okay but okay how? Plenty of crack to keep her high may seem like okay to her right now. I am so confused and lost about what to do for Deb. Please contact me if you have any experience with people on this drug or any advice. Needless to say I pray...and I hope
