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Blogs by Sue Hess
T.g.i.f. 2/18/2005 10:09:34 AM
I made it till Friday without getting any more depressed. I feel pretty good this week but I feel the depression creeping in, tainting things with its edge. In one way, knowing it is coming makes me enjoy the everyday mundane things even more but in another sense, everything is slightly skewed by the knowledge that in a while, the 'normal' will be sleeping every minute I can and dreading every minute I can't. What is it with sleep and depression anyway. My sister swears she slept through her entire marriage, jumping up every day just before the kids came home from school and pretending she was awake all day. I sometimes sleep entire days away, if nothing drags me from my bed, which I tend to pile up with every blanket I have. It doesn't really have anything to do with the temperature, its more a matter of creating this place that I can burrow into and hide from the world. I am one of those people who have lovely, funny or exciting dreams almost every night that I am 'okay' but the first sign that depression is coming is that I start to forget my dreams, as if they are not there at all. It makes me feel cheated because I love the dreams I have...I even get up and go to the bathroom and come back and continue the dream I was having before I woke up. I sleep very deeply and generally go to sleep the moment my head hits the pillow. This has often caused my life to be threatened by my insomniac sister but the quality of the sleep I get changes with my ups and downs.
This change in my moods always effects my poetry, not the content, which is often dark anyway, but my ablility to write anything at all, even reviews. It probably has something to do with sleeping 14 hours a day, its hard to write when you are sound asleep but not completely, cause I never miss work and that is where I do most of my writing. And it doesn't affect my reading other peoples poetry, I still read even when I'm depressed. If suddenly you see that I'm not leaving reviews or comments anymore or few of them anyway, I'm still here, still reading and still enjoying your poetry...just in a quieter, less expressive manner.
