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Blogs by Sue Hess
Meet John 4/7/2007 9:40:17 AM
There is one of my kids I haven't introduced you to...
I’ve talked ad nauseam about my problem child Deb and I’m sure I’ve mentioned Susie several times and the fact that she isn’t a problem child. I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my first child, my son John. John is fifteen years younger than I am, we kind of grew up together, which may explain some things. John is a big man, over six foot two and burly and muscular but as gentle as a lamb when he wants to be. He never meets a stranger, children love him and men are friends with him and when they have a chance, women are drawn to him. He is my son and my friend, I can talk to him about anything and if I start feeling sorry for myself, he will just drawl, “now mom, that just ain’t right” and his faith in me has me back to myself in no time. The reason I said women are drawn to John when they have a chance is that John has spent most of the time since he was twenty-two behind bars. Never for violent crimes or any drug things, although he has always had that tendency, John goes to prison because he is always looking for a quick way to get what he wants and he is just a terrible criminal. He always gets caught. He got out the first time and I thought he was going to make it. He married Roxanne, a woman almost my age that he had met while in jail and they seemed to be happy until she died of septic poison, a kidney or bladder infection that went untreated and killed her. John was inconsolable but he still had her family and her grandkids that he thought of as his own. But that wasn’t enough. Part of the problem was that Roxanne’s sons were as bad as John when it came to drugs and criminal activities so they weren’t good for each other but the real problem is John. He swears he doesn’t like jail, but admits he just isn’t scared enough of it to keep him out. It’s really the only life he knows well. I write to him and send him a few bucks here and there, not enough to get him in trouble but enough for coffee and candy at the canteen. He has a stock check from Alaska that comes in twice a year and he uses that to buy clothes and his tv and radio so he really isn’t too uncomfortable. There are no women and John does like the ladies but he said after a while you put your mind somewhere else and it gets easier. I sure hope that’s how he handles it. I used to wonder what I did to have two children with so many problems but I finally have come to realize that I can’t take credit for their mistakes or their successes, after a certain age a person becomes responsible for their own actions and no one can make them change until they are ready. Sure I believe that your early life influences your later life to some degree and I will always hold myself responsible for them in that sense, but they are adults in their forties and I can’t make them who I want them to be. If I could, John would be a stock broker and Deb a physicist or something along those lines. I want them to be happy, I just wish their happiness could have come at a lower cost to them. So that is John, whom I love with all my heart. I haven’t meant to neglect him when I write, it’s just that it kills me to put into words how wrong his life has gone. He loves poetry and reads all the time. If anyone out there wants to send him a poem or a note of encouragement, I would be forever indebted to you. Here is his address:
John Lauth 166875
Farmington Correctional Center
1012 W. Columbia
Farmington MO 63640
