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Blogs by Sue Hess
The Deb Saga 11/7/2005 10:04:28 AM
In case anyone is interested, we are in a new stage here...
This weekend Deb completed the program at Comtrea Treatment center and had no where to go but back on the street. I'm sorry, I know all about tough love but I just couldn't see telling her...good luck, go out there and stay straight but don't expect any help or trust from me. I just couldn't see how she could find a job, keep her sobriety, go to meetings regularly and all that without a place to live. The only option she had other than what I offered her was to go live with an ex-trick and that just did not seem like an answer to me. So I have let her come to stay with me, with the stipulation that if I see one sign of old behavior, she will be back on the street. Question is, will it be that simple? But I'm not going to think like that, she is going to stay straight and get a job and a place of her own...that is the only option. I know I agonized over this, sure I would go nuts if I let her back in the house, but truth is, I have finally quit agonizing and feel like I'm doing something positive to help her recover. I won't give her money, I bought her a bus pass which I will take back out of her stock check when it comes in next month, i paid for her state i.d. so she could look for a job but I've tried to make it plain to her that I did not want to be responsible for her just because she lives with me. If she has a court date, she should figure out how to get there. When she can ride in with me when I go to work, fine, but I'm not playing taxi or missing any work to run her around town. I won't allow her to give out my phone number or have men come to my house, no exeptions. This is the one I'm most concerned about but I have to trust her until she gives me reason not to, if I'm going to take this on in the first place. Maybe I'm wrong to allow her to come stay with me, but all I know is that as a mother, there was nothing else I could do and live with myself. I had an extra bedroom, since my sister moved out and as much as I was enjoying living alone, I just have to give this a try. The rest of my family, with the exception of my sister, is giving her the benefit of the doubt and a last chance. My son-in-law told her she was welcome in his house as long as she doesn't hurt me, which means also, as long as she is clean and behaving herself. My mother loves Deb like she is her own, mainly cause she helped raise her, so she was secretly hoping I would give her a chance, although she said she understood if I felt I couldn't. I guess the question is...is Deb ready to make the change? She completed the program and is going to outpatient and meetings regularly so we will see how it goes. Hopefully, I will continue to have positive things to say about this decision. I'd appreciate your prayers and encouragement.
