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Blogs by Sue Hess
Me...bitching again... 4/1/2005 3:48:30 PM
Sometimes I get so tired of being me...I want to be Sandie Angel or Eileen or Sherry Heim
You know what i mean, anyone but me. My life used to be so crazy that I am amazed I lived through it. I have been a drug addict, a paid companion, a slut, an alcoholic, you name it and if I haven't tried it, I'd be very surprised. And you know what that life did to me? It made me very tired. I can't actually say a bolt of lightening caused me to suddenly see the error of my ways, no great happening that I can remember...I just got so tired, the hassle, the hussle, the emotion of it all...it just became too much. And this was when I was in my early thirties...it would kill me now. So what am I bitching about? Silly me, I'm bored with my life. I make enough money at a job that I know so well that it is second nature, I have a comfortable home, a nice car that doesn't use too much gas, I'm not unattractive or unsavory in any way, but dammit there is just no real thrill to life anymore. Writing helps...and God knows I love Authorsden...it has been a Godsend to me. But I keep feeling like there must be more. I love my kids and my grandkids are my pride and joy but they are getting older and girlfriends and college have my grandson's attention and just being six years old takes up most of Kasey's time. Grandma is still important but the amount of time they allot me has changed. I work out several times a week with my youngest daughter and we shop a lot, and now that Deb has resurfaced, we have lunch but still, there is so much time these days that I just can't fill. Not in a meaningful and interesting way. I should be ashamed of myself for complaining about my life, when there are people starving because they have no job or hurting because they have no life. But let's face it, that kind of reasoning sounds good in theory but have you actually ever ate any different because there are starving children in China. No me either. And my life doesn't seem one bit less dull because someone else's isn't. Maybe more so. I promise that the next time I write in here, it will be on a positive note, I am becoming downright depressing but hell, this is what's on my mind right now and we have already established that i'm a self center bitch haven't we?
