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Blogs by Sue Hess I'm back 12/14/2006 7:08:28 PMJust got back from Alabama, down and back in two days, it was a rough trip in a lot of ways...
The funeral wasn't as bad as I expected. First of all, I was able to sincerely believe that Charles is better off now, out of pain and in a better place. But more than that, I learned something this week. I have always had a childish fear of seeing a dead body of someone I love, to the point that I have refused to go to funerals when I could and avoided going to the coffin if I had to go to the funeral. My cousins wife insisted I walk up to the coffin Wednesday and I was shocked. My cousin was not there. Yes, there was a body and it had some small resemblance to Charles but the specialness, the thing that made him who he was had gone. That might as well have been a manequin lying there, it had nothing to it to be frightened of and I was able to handle it without falling apart. Actually I handled the whole two days without breaking down. I got home last night, washed two days of my brothers cigaret smoke out of my hair and then sat down and cried until I was cried out. That was for the real person who I will miss, not for that body that we put in the ground. And I was crying for me. He is gone and with God, he made his peace with God and was ready to go. I'm the one I felt sorry for because I have no fishing partner, no cousin to call with every little detail of my life, as I have for years. I realized a lot about death and a lot more about living. I realized that I have only half lived my life these last few years, afraid of commitment and making mistakes, afraid of looking like an old fool. so instead I've been one. That is going to change. To be continued Post a Comment More Blogs by Sue Hess • Me...again - Thursday, June 25, 2009 • Shootings in city hall - Friday, February 8, 2008 • Ho Ho....Hum? - Friday, February 8, 2008 • Happy 2008 - Wednesday, January 2, 2008 • Happy Thanksgiving - Thursday, November 22, 2007 • A favor??? - Monday, October 29, 2007 • Hats off to Idiocy - Friday, October 26, 2007 • Hello again - Wednesday, October 17, 2007 • Oral Fixations? - Wednesday, October 10, 2007 • And you know what else.... - Tuesday, October 2, 2007 • Moonlight - Friday, September 7, 2007 • Where have you been???? - Wednesday, August 29, 2007 • Somewhere.... - Thursday, August 16, 2007 • Will you still need me, will you still feed me - Wednesday, August 1, 2007 • What have you read lately? - Friday, July 20, 2007 • Ice Cream - Friday, July 13, 2007 • Wow am I hot... - Sunday, July 8, 2007 • Too relaxed??? - Friday, July 6, 2007 • Hi I'm back... - Monday, July 2, 2007 • What else can go wrong... - Tuesday, June 19, 2007 • Opening my heart to you - Sunday, June 17, 2007 • Ahhh Youth - Friday, June 15, 2007 • Reality Bites....Me - Thursday, June 14, 2007 • More nonsense from me - Thursday, June 14, 2007 • Tell me your secrets... - Wednesday, June 6, 2007 • The 'I' that is me - Monday, June 4, 2007 • Soliliquy on Sex - Saturday, June 2, 2007 • In your face writing - Friday, June 1, 2007 • Pirates of the Carribean - Friday, May 25, 2007 • Books??? - Friday, May 18, 2007 • Down with Promiscuity... - Friday, May 11, 2007 • Rod Stewart - Thursday, May 10, 2007 • Did ya miss me... - Wednesday, May 2, 2007 • College... - Thursday, April 19, 2007 • Sunday - Sunday, April 15, 2007 • I feel so silly - Monday, April 9, 2007 • Meet John - Saturday, April 7, 2007 • Creative License - Friday, March 30, 2007 • It's Hard for Me - Friday, March 23, 2007 • It is so wrong... - Thursday, March 22, 2007 • shhhh don't tell anyone - Wednesday, March 14, 2007 • Is it Bombe or Bombay? - Monday, March 12, 2007 • Thursday - Thursday, March 8, 2007 • False Impressions - Tuesday, March 6, 2007 • Saturday morning - Saturday, March 3, 2007 • Nope still not me - Thursday, March 1, 2007 • Is It Time to Update - Tuesday, February 27, 2007 • Okay, So What Are You Doing This Weekend - Friday, February 23, 2007 • Hi...Just Me Again - Thursday, February 22, 2007 • I miss the old Sue.... - Saturday, February 17, 2007 • Hypo what? - Thursday, February 15, 2007 • Snow, Snow Everywhere - Tuesday, February 13, 2007 • Saturday evening 2/10 - Saturday, February 10, 2007 • Who is the winner? - Wednesday, February 7, 2007 • Sunday Evening - Sunday, February 4, 2007 • Who Invented these damned birthdays anyway - Sunday, January 28, 2007 • Ross Perot, my new boss.... - Wednesday, January 24, 2007 • This damned ice - Sunday, January 14, 2007 • My tears are not unshed - Friday, January 5, 2007 • Happy New Year - Saturday, December 30, 2006 • it's over! - Tuesday, December 26, 2006 • I'm back - Thursday, December 14, 2006 • Ross Perot is on my mind..... - Sunday, December 10, 2006 • Charles - Monday, November 27, 2006 • Wednesday Nov. 22 - Wednesday, November 22, 2006 • Saturday - Saturday, August 26, 2006 • how pretentious - Friday, June 30, 2006 • Hi! - Thursday, June 22, 2006 • Weakness - Tuesday, March 21, 2006 • and so.... - Thursday, February 23, 2006 • Thursday - Thursday, January 5, 2006 • Thanksgiving...and yes I do! - Wednesday, November 23, 2005 • The Deb Saga - Monday, November 7, 2005 • Spoon River Hoax - Tuesday, October 11, 2005 • Hot Damn..Hot Dreams - Friday, September 23, 2005 • Until I Find You - Wednesday, September 14, 2005 • and then it was Thursday... - Thursday, August 25, 2005 • Disco anyone? - Wednesday, August 24, 2005 • Dying - Friday, August 19, 2005 • Physics?? - Sunday, August 14, 2005 • Alexandre,Sandie,Felix,Jerry, Ed... - Saturday, August 6, 2005 • Because we CAN... - Thursday, August 4, 2005 • I'm sitting alone at home..... - Wednesday, July 27, 2005 • Harry Potter - Thursday, July 21, 2005 • Willie Wonka - Monday, July 18, 2005 • a step back - Thursday, July 14, 2005 • Hello, hello - Monday, July 11, 2005 • Update - Wednesday, June 29, 2005 • Unhappy? - Monday, June 13, 2005 • Stormy Nights - Thursday, June 9, 2005 • Steve King - Wednesday, June 8, 2005 • ah so - Monday, June 6, 2005 • Good News - Thursday, May 26, 2005 • Friday Night Jitters - Friday, May 13, 2005 • Poetry London - Wednesday, April 27, 2005 • Struggling with Demons - Thursday, April 21, 2005 • D Day - Monday, April 18, 2005 • Make Mine a Vampire - Tuesday, April 12, 2005 • Sincere Apologies - Friday, April 8, 2005 • All I Know About Sex - Tuesday, April 5, 2005 • Great News on the Home Front - Sunday, April 3, 2005 • Me...bitching again... - Friday, April 1, 2005 • On Line Love Affairs - Monday, March 28, 2005 • Way to Go Sis - Friday, March 18, 2005 • Back from the dead - Thursday, March 17, 2005 • Achoo!! - Monday, March 7, 2005 • Deb - Friday, February 25, 2005 • The Prodigal Daughter - Friday, February 25, 2005 • T.g.i.f. - Friday, February 18, 2005 • Doubts - Tuesday, February 15, 2005 • re poetry and truth...again - Monday, February 14, 2005 • re Tuesday - Tuesday, February 8, 2005 • Friday lasts forever - Friday, February 4, 2005 • Who I am... - Wednesday, February 2, 2005 • Grandma - Tuesday, February 1, 2005 • Truth - Monday, January 31, 2005 • Blog?? - Friday, January 28, 2005 • Poetry Sells?? - Friday, January 28, 2005 • Crack - Tuesday, January 25, 2005
