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Blogs by Sue Hess
This damned ice 1/14/2007 4:02:49 PM
I live in the midwest and we are beset by mother nature right now, it looks beautiful but....
I spent Friday night with Susie and her family, deciding that if we were going to be iced in, we might as well have company. We ordered up enormous quantities of take out Friday night and ate until we were stuffed. Woke up on Saturday to find that we weren't really iced in but a call to check on my parents told that even though we weren't in the trouble that was expected, there were massive electrical outages and mom and dad were out of power. I quickly said we could put them up in a motel or they were welcome to come stay with me. I didn't realize how lonely my mother has become since dad's stroke until I saw how quickly and with how much enthusiasm she welcomed the idea of staying with me. She was like a kid on an outing, she brought everything she could think of to bring when my brother drove them over. It kind of scared me, I thought they were moving in for the winter. But it was kind of fun. Mom and I have always been close but we seldom just sit and talk for hours any more, there is just so much going on in life and I feel very guilty that I've neglected her like this. Yes, we make sure they have everything, Mom and Dad want for nothing but ....maybe some social intercourse. I try to call her a couple of times a week and I take them to church every Sunday morning and usually stay and eat lunch with them but I will admit I don't just sit and talk as much as I could and should. Dad isn't much company anymore, although mom never complains. And he is almost childlike in that he complains when she is on the phone, as if he is being neglected. Mom has always been a friendly outgoing person and since Dad's stroke, she seldom leaves him alone for long enough to do more than run to the market, visiting has become a thing of the past. If anyone had told me I was neglecting my mother, I would have argued but this weekend has taught me something and I hope I don't go back to my old selfish ways. I realize I can't be everything and make up for everyone that is now missing from their lifes but I can be there more often, talk to her more often. And Dad, though for sure not the person he used to be, is still in need of something to keep him from sinking into that old routine of sleeping and watching TV. Its a new experience for me, dealing with aging parents, my mother has always be vital and she still is but she has needs that she did not have ten years ago and it is up to us to notice that. I have a sister and two brothers and my older brother, who is retired, does most of the physical running, taking them to doctor's appointments and such. My younger brother, who lives four hours away, comes for visits and adds a bit of excitement to thier life's. My sister and my mother have started disagreeing on most things these last few years and sometimes I think they both thrive on the little spats they have almost every time they talk. What do I give? Well, for years mom was just so happy that I gave up the hard life and became normal and that was enough for her. Over the years, though, I have become the one who she turns to for friendship, conversation, reminiscing and just time together without hassle. And I have been stingy with my time, as if I had something important to do with it. I sit at home and read a book at times when I could go visit. I leave her house on Sunday, saying I have laundry to do or something inane like that when I could easily do those things on Saturday and spend Sunday with them. I intend to do better...
This is as close as I come to a New Years resolution...I'm going to do better....
