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Blogs by Marcus Dino
Fifi's Thoughts 6/30/2008 10:10:25 AM
IT'S THE LAST DAY TO ENJOY USING YOUR CELL WITH YOUR HANDS IN CALIFORNIA. BETTER GET THAT HANDS FREE DEVICE TODAY All you Californians know that today is the last day you can make a call in your car with your hands. No more making phone calls while driving 80 mph and calling someone with only one hand (or sometimes no hands) on the steering wheel and scaring the living daylights out of your passenger. No more calls even in 2 hour stalled traffic on the 405 because the 'man in blue' will notice you while zigging through the middle of the traffic on his bike. No more showing how cool you are as a driver saying that 'I can be speeding, changing my CDs with one hand and talking to someone on the cell with another hand at the same time.' LOOK MOMMY NO HANDS. I know a crazy 'very limber muscled' gen y girl who actually TALKED TO PEOPLE ON HER CELL WITH HER FEET.
Wonder if our good friend the lovely electonic 'monster' (I would like to use a stronger word starting with b and ending with but THE AUTHORSDEN PEOPLE MAY NOT CARE FOR THAT WORD) will also keep track of wether we are USING OUR CELLPHONES WHEN WE DRIVE UNDER THE INTERSECTION. Since the last day of 'cellphone freedom' I think I'll stick my tongue out at 'that camera' when I drive thru a 'seeing eye intersection' today.
You people realize that maybe the new 'cell phone driving law' may need be a benefit for your health? I just read in the daily rag today that a research study by a doctor in Israel said that heavy cellphone users have a 50% chance of getting a brain tumor (tumor could be benign or malignant) than people who rarely use cells. Now this is the only study that shows cell phone usage connected to possible brain cancer BUT I'M NOT TAKING A CHANCE. I BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE WIRELESS EAR PHONES TODAY AND I'LL START WALKING AROUND LOOKING LIKE A TELEPHONE OPERATOR OR HIGH POWERED HOLLYWOOD AGENT.
With the price of food and gas skyrocketing IT'S JUST GOOD OLD COMMON SENSE TO GO SHOPPING AT 99 CENTS. Of course with all this terrible inflation pretty soon they'll be called the 999 cent store.
Actually having a wireless ear phone won't be so bad SINCE I SOMETIMES ACTUALLY ENJOY TALKING TO MYSELF OUT LOUD AND NOONE CAN GIVE ME THAT STRANGE 'LOOK' ANYMORE.
In tribute to the late George Carlin, one of the last great real funny comedians I trulytrulytrulytrulytrulytrulytruly am considering being a stand up comedian because none of my contemporaies today are very funny. You people think I'd be a good stand up comedian?
OH GOODYGOODYGOODYGOODYGOODY....I JUST GOT MY ECONOMIC STIMULUS CHECK. NOW I'VE BARELY GOT ENOUGH MONEY TO FILL UP MY GAZ GUZZLING TRUCK.
Actually you people shouldn't cry even if it reaches seven bucks a gallon like they say it will in a couple of years. ONE IT ACTUALLY WILL TAKE LESS THAN 2 HOURS TO GET ANYWHERE IN LA. TWO THE GERMANS CURRENTLY PAY NINE AND A HALF BUCKS A GALLON SO TRY DRIVING ON THAT 'AUTOBAHN' IN A GAS GUZZLING PORSCHE AND YOU'LL THINK GAS PRICES HERE ARE DIRT CHEAP.
WEEKLY STINKO TOILET FLUSHING DOUBLES OS FEATURE FILM
THERE IS NOTHING HAPPENING ABOUT 'THE HAPPENING.' I mean everybody in the movie sniffs some bad air, turns into a zombie, and does themselves away? I can't believe someone as talented as M Night Shayamalan could write and direct such a silly excuse of a film. Did M Night turn into one of those zombies when he wrote the screenplay? The Happening was so bad everyone in the audience turned into 'zombies' when the movie was going on and some of them were 'programmed' to throw 'rotten tomatoes' at the screen. The Happening was so bad that you wish they had an actor play the pied piper and all the 'zombies' would follow the piper into the ocean and drown. That would have been so much more entertaining than the nonsense I saw in the film. The Happening was so dumb that five minutes into the movie 'I blacked out and turned into a zombie' and 'woke up' about five minutes before the movie ended. i asked my boyfriend Biff did I miss anything. He said go back to sleep, any dream you have is better than this ridiculous movie.
You older people remember there was a song made in the 60s made in the sixties by the Supremes called The Happening? I've heard that song on the oldies station and I can tell you it's a lot more enjoyable to listen to than watching the movie by the same name.
Speaking of the sixties father was mentioning that the young people today, you know us gen yers, are using cellphones just like kids smoked back in the 50s and 60s. You don't see as many kids smoke today as they did a few years ago which is a great thing but almost every kid has a cell phone, which, as I said above may be harmful to your health like we all know cigarettes are. But again the research is very limited and only the Israeli doctor said putting a cell next to your ear may be a cause for concern.
FIFI'S EXERCISE TIPS
It's 'Jumping Jack Flash' time. You people DO NOT HAVE TO BUY EXPENSIVE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT OR GO TO A FANCY GYM TO LOSE WEIGHT. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WALK OR RUN UNDER THE HOT MUGGY SUMMER SUN TO EXERCISE. YOU CAN EXERCISE IN FRONT OF THE TV IN YOUR AIR CONDITIONED OR FANNED HOUSE AND KNOCK THE POUNDS OFF.
FOR 5 OUT OF 7 DAYS A WEEK
DO 500 JUMPING JACKS DAILY. TAKE A FEW MINUTES REST EVERY 100 JACKS. I plan to get to 1000 but of course I need to get in shape to get to that point.
DO 50 SITUPS OR CRUNCHES DAILY
IF YOU WANT TO BURN 'EXTRA' CALORIES:
DO 5O PUSHUPS DAILY
DO 50 TOE TOUCHERS DAILY
SWIVEL YOUR STOMACH 50 TIMES DAILY
RUN IN PLACE 15 MINUTES WITHOUT REST. THESE EXERCISES DO NOT COST A CENT AND YOU TV LOVERS CAN STILL WATCH YOUR FAVORITE SHOW. OF COURSE IF YOU LIVE IN AN UPSTAIRS APARTMENT OR CONDO YOU MAY NEED A PATIENT NEIGHBOR.
I promise you that you will make that gut or but a lot in smaller in a short amount of time if you do all these 'kid exercises.' OF COURSE YOU STILL NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM THAT BUFFETT TABLE. You people agree that a buffett restaraunt is to a dieter as what a Vegas casino is to a gambling addict or a liquor store is to a recovering alchohlic? WILLPOWER PEOPLE WILLPOWER.
I feel like turning into that 'Tinkerbell fairy' from that old Peter Pan cartoon and sitting on the shoulders of a person who needs to lose weight and telling him or her not to eat that cake, eat a tuna salad instead of a meatloaf dinner, not to touch that candybar, eat an apple instead, not to go for seconds, not to drink that creamy fattening milkshake...........IF I CAN'T MAKE IT AS AN ACTRESS I'LL BE A CELEBRITY DIET AND EXERCISE GURU. JENNY CRAIG AND RICHARD SIMMONS SURE MADE A MINT DOING THEIR STUFF.
JUMPING JACK FLASH JUST LIKE THE STONES SANG IT. What happened to all those dance marathons like they had in the old days. I would love to be in a dance marathon where they played old time 70s disco music. I'd lose 10 pounds in a night.
Speaking of that 'Peter Pan cartoon' you see another 'redhead' with mediocre talent named Wendy Darling who got that role being Peter Pan's girlfriend. WHEN WILL I BE GETTING THAT BIG ROLE JERRY. OMIGOSH IT MAY NOT MATTER. SAG MAY GO ON STRIKE. MORE THAN ENOUGH THOUGHTS FOR NOW.
PS JUST FOUND OUT WENDY WAS ACTUALLY A BRUNETTE OR 'BROWNHEAD.' NOT A REDHEAD LIKE I THOUGHT. IT DOESNT MATTER. I STILL HAVE MORE TALENT THAN HER. HER DAUGHTER IN THE SEQUEL IS A REDHEAD THOUGH.
